The ‘Selfie’ Generation.

 

The Selfie. Selfie season has gone viral. From Obama taking a quick happy – go –lucky snap with Cameron, to Ellen Degeneres and a handful of the biggest names all squeezed into one snapshot at the Oscars. It makes your selfie with the local police horse on a drunken walk home look like a feeble attempt. The selfies don’t just stop there – oh no- the cancer campaign ‘No make-up selfies’ plastered every form of social networking in a matter of hours. Yet, it seems a little ambitious to call them ‘No make –up’ with girls pouting with their eyebrows just a little less shaded than usual. To call them bare faced would not seem right -unless we are talking about bare faced liars that is. Oh well, it’s not every day a craze like this can raise over two million pounds in twenty four hours, is it?

Most of us are guilty of taking a nippy selfie on the sly – you’re not fooling anyone if you disagree – but why do we feel the need to document every minute of our lives in the form of a selfie? Is it because we like to capture funny moments? Or is it simply because we like the way we have done our hair and know full well we won’t be able to get it to the same again? Either way we don’t just do it for the hell of it. Surely we intend to post somewhere?  Where it can be seen and liked? Don’t lie we all know you like that buzz – it adds a kind of spring to your step, right?

There is just no escaping this phenomenon. You can almost forecast what is going to be on your instagram feed, you just know it’s going to be overcast with duck pouts with spells of peace signs. It’s always an awkward moment when you catch someone in the corner of your eye posing for a Snapchat – don’t get me wrong we all love a good snapchat, but is it really necessary to get your raunchy pose out in public?   It’s not something we all want to see when tucking into our lunch. It’s up there with couple’s public display of affection – some things are best left to the privacy of your own home.

So, at some point every day, we carry out the same procedure like it is part of our daily routine – just like brushing your teeth. The lighting is altered to compliment your tone and reduce the size of your nose. Teeth clenched tightly together and chin tilted.  Arm stretched out to its furthest point with the camera cradled in the palm of your hand. Index and middle finger set straight to support the weight of the phone, whilst your pinky is rested underneath for additional support and your thumb round the front ready to take the snap. Three, Two, one… Snap, edit and upload. Sure sounds familiar right?

Well, it looks like this bug isn’t going away too soon, so I suppose we all best get used to it (especially now it has made it to a dictionary definition). So, as long as our self obsessed celebs are revealing their selfies to the nation, then we will carry on the tradition like normal.

That’s it – ‘but first let me take a selfie’

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“Loike Chips n Grayve.”

We Brummies have got it tough – and before you start, let’s set one thing straight we are from Birmingham not ‘Birminum’. Before moving away for university, I was quite content with my accent (well, as content as you can be), I never felt the need to think about the way I pronounced words before I said it. Well, things soon changed back in first year, when I moved into halls with a bunch of parrots. As I would strike a conversation up with a stranger, I could see the look of frustration paint their faces, “not another Brummie”, they thought. I didn’t see the problem myself; until it was brought to my attention that no-one could understand a word I was saying. “Oh great, here we go”, I thought to myself – I had far from prepared myself for this.

It didn’t take long for the awful attempts of the Brummie accents to crawl out of the woodwork. If I collected a pound for every time I was asked to say ‘like chips and gravy’ I would be a millionaire – but I didn’t and I’m not, instead I am just left with a load of northerners and southerners sounding like a crowd of seagulls feebly attempting to imitate me, chanting “loike chips n grayve”. I don’t know what it is, but people seem to have this strange idea that people from Birmingham eat chips and gravy – I’ve lived in Birmingham nearly twenty years and it’s the first I’ve heard of it.

Just when I thought it had all died down, Benefits Street airs – benefitting everything other than Birmingham. I’m just going to clear some things up before any more Brummies get harmed. No, I do not live on James Turner Street, surprisingly no, I don’t have any connections with white Dee and funnily enough not every person in Birmingham is on benefits. Yet, believe it or not, it’s the people who have never been to Birmingham or seen it other than on the map who are jumping on this bandwagon – don’t knock it till you try it like.

If that isn’t bad enough, we’ve got Gavin from Auto glass giving his tuppence worth – this is always a popular one “He’s from Wolverhampton, that’s where you live ain’t it?” – I just want to face palm myself when this happens. I wouldn’t mind but people from Wolverhampton or ‘Wolv’amton’ do not even sound like Brummies – never mind the fact there is twenty miles between them.

After this slow and steady explanation, I often get asked what part of Birmingham I am from, when I reply “Solihull”, people often go quiet and reply “Oh. You mustn’t be as stupid as you sound then, you must be a bit of a snob” or “Do you have a mansion and horses?” I just laugh at their stupidity – and they call us the dumb ones. For the record, I don’t live in a mansion or own horses, but just because I pronounce my words a little bit slower and a little bit longer than necessary doesn’t mean I am any less intelligent than the rest, I worked myself the same way all the rest of you did to get into university, so why the hell should my accent have anything to do with it?

Rant Over – just leave us Brummies be!!

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