Rejection – I’m sure you’ve experienced it sometime or other. It ain’t pretty. We’ve all had heartbreaks, feuds with bouncers and had our train tickets spat back at us. However, I’ve never felt rejection like the ‘you’ve been unsuccessful’ email. That’s always a killer.
I guess I’m not afraid to admit it – I hate failure. I always strive to succeed in everything I do to achieve the greatest results. You could say I’ve always felt like I’ve needed to prove myself. Perhaps, for my own peace of mind. Saying that, aside from the bit-too-determined and driven front, deep down I’m a bit of a mouse.
On Tuesday, I attended a group interview in Manchester with a company which sounded like Google on paper. The website bragged of an office decorated with a gym, steam rooms and a state of the art bar. The benefits boasted starry-eyed bonuses, numerous social events and free booze on a Friday afternoon. It almost sounded too good to be true. Curious to see if there was any truth in it, I set out to complete the quirky job application. Successful, I started to imagine what it would be like to start a life in Manchester – yeah, I got pretty carried away.
The office looked exactly how it sounded on the website. There was a bar. There was a giant chess-board in reception. And yes, people did actually walk around with no shoes on. It was crackers. It seemed like the place to work. Not every CEO organises a make-shift beach or ice rink to be built in the car park.
I spent the whole morning downing bottles of water to hide the hunger pains – the interview really was that long. Psychometric tests and pointless Q&A sessions – the type where pretentious candidates splurge all the facts and figures they’d read on the website. Basically, a computer was testing me to see if I was fit for a creative job – logical. It didn’t take long for me to realise that practically everyone in the room was going for the same job as me. Picture this, we’re talking about 30 people here. Proper bottleneck. Or, as Darwin would say, it was the survival of the fittest. Safe to say, I knew I had been defeated by the maths questions, but stood my ground as well as I could and left with my head held high.
It didn’t take long to be brought back to reality anyway. The walk into work the next day was enough to do that. So, you can imagine how I felt when I received that email on my break. The day just went from bad to worse. Initially gutted, I’ve realised it could be a blessing in disguise. I think it’s so easy to lose sight of what you actually want just because something sounds like an easy option or incredible on paper. I’m guilty of it. I was proper disheartened. I’d failed at something and now I’m admitting it.
So, I guess that’s telling me something. I’ve changed and I’m a lot stronger than I think. I only have to look back a few months to the passing of my absolute hero to see that. I’ve discovered that sometimes things do fuck up and don’t go the way you want them too, but that’s all part of the plan – I’m convinced.
For the first time in my life, I’m going to forget everything I’ve done previously and follow my gut instinct. Screw the salary, the over-sold job specs and over-exaggerated benefits – I’m going to focus on achieving exactly what I want. Not something easy that I can settle for, or even a job which I think is going to make my parents happy.
I want to be a newspaper or magazine editor, so that’s exactly what I’m going to be. Jennifer Rink made it to ‘Poise’ in 13 going on 30 and Isla Fisher made it to ‘Alette’ magazine in Confessions of a Shopoholic. Call me mad, but I think one day I could see my name in the byline of a high-end magazine, who knows.
At the minute it’s just a dream, but with a shed load of perseverance and determination I reckon I could achieve it – or maybe get somewhere close.
For now, this is my everyday inspiration and I’m excited to watch it grow.
The Mad Grad.